Direct Answer
Angourie Rice says Alain de Botton’s On Love (published in the U.K. as Essays in Love) helped her reframe romantic storytelling: the book highlights how people invent fate around chance encounters, why vulnerability—not stoic withdrawal—is central to real intimacy, and how repeatedly choosing to be seen is a courageous act. “Real deep love asks you to be vulnerable over and over and over again. That is absolutely terrifying,” Rice says.
Why this mattered to Rice while preparing Finding Emily
Director Alicia McDonald suggested two books to Angourie Rice while she prepared for the romantic comedy Finding Emily. Rice found On Love especially useful because it blends a fictional relationship with philosophical notes that illuminate how people construct romantic meaning, react to insecurity, and recover after breakups. In conversation with host Chris Collins, Rice treated the book as a practical tool for shaping a believable character grappling with emotional risk.
Key takeaways Rice highlighted
- We script destiny from randomness: Small, accidental moments—sitting next to someone on a plane, for example—are often dressed up as fate so we can avoid admitting how much of romance we author ourselves.
- Vulnerability beats performative strength: Stoic detachment may feel like protection, but De Botton and Rice argue it shuts down genuine connection. Love often requires repeatedly choosing to be open, despite the fear of hurt.
- Being seen is the work of love: Authentic intimacy grows when people allow themselves to be witnessed, including their flaws and contradictions, rather than hiding behind an immaculate public persona.
About the guest and context
Angourie Rice is an Australian actor known for roles in The Nice Guys, Spider-Man: Far From Home, Mare of Easttown, and the 2024-era Mean Girls reboot. She is a frequent reader and hosts book-related conversations; her comments about On Love came during an interview with Chris Collins for the Books That Changed My Life series.
About the book Rice referenced
On Love (U.K. title: Essays in Love) by Alain de Botton mixes fiction and philosophy. Written when De Botton was 23, the book follows a relationship between a narrator and a woman named Chloe, and interrupts the story with numbered essay-like reflections on desire, projection, jealousy, and recovery.
How the book’s themes map onto real relationships
Rice and De Botton single out several recurring human responses in romance: creating myths to make chance feel meaningful, resorting to emotional manipulation when insecure, and expecting perfection from partners. They suggest that accepting imperfection and practicing repeated vulnerability are the behaviors that actually build intimacy.
Stoicism vs. vulnerable love — a side-by-side
| Emotional Stance | The Stoic Approach | Real Vulnerable Love |
| Core Defense | Disappointing oneself before someone else can[cite: 6] | Risking heartbreak for the chance at authentic connection[cite: 6] |
| View on Emotion | Suppresses feelings to avoid pain and turmoil[cite: 6] | Embraces emotional risk as a necessary human requirement[cite: 6] |
| Relational Impact | Monastic isolation and guarded distance[cite: 6] | Openness, shared growth, and mutual support[cite: 6] |
| Ultimate Verdict | A subtle form of emotional cowardice[cite: 6] | An act of daily courage[cite: 6] |
Notable idea: the story we tell ourselves
One of De Botton’s central points—picked up by Rice—is that people often build narratives to make relationships feel inevitable. This is comforting because it transfers responsibility from an uncertain present to a tidy storyline: the meeting becomes fate, and the relationship reads like a plot. Recognizing that we are co-authors frees us to act more honestly, Rice suggests, rather than hiding behind a convenient myth.
Where to hear the full conversation
If you prefer watching, the interview appears on the Books That Changed My Life YouTube channel. The uncut audio is available on Spotify, and the series archive can be found on the program’s main website or the official podcast directory.
Further reading and related episodes
FAQs
Q: Why did Angourie Rice read On Love before filming?
A: Alicia McDonald recommended the book to Rice as part of her character prep for Finding Emily. Rice used its mix of story and reflection to better understand how people construct romantic meaning and to inform believable emotional choices for her role.
Q: Is On Love more novel or philosophy?
A: The book sits between genres. It tells a fictional relationship through a narrator’s eyes while interrupting that story with short, numbered essays that examine the psychology and ideas behind the events. It reads like literature with philosophical footnotes rather than a straight academic text.
Q: What does On Love say about stoicism?
A: De Botton critiques stoic detachment as a defensive posture that keeps people safe from immediate pain but also prevents the vulnerability required for deep intimacy. The book argues for the repeated risk of openness as the more honest, if frightening, path.
Closing thought
Rice’s take on On Love is practical: the book doesn’t promise neat answers but offers language and images that make emotional behaviors visible. For actors, readers, or anyone trying to understand why we fall into familiar patterns, De Botton’s combination of story and analysis can make those patterns easier to name—and harder to repeat unconsciously.
Related resources: watch the episode on Books That Changed My Life, listen on Spotify, or read more at the series archive. To explore frameworks for emotional growth and leadership mentioned in passing, see the I AM LEADER Book Set.
Instagram: Angourie Rice
The On Love book gives this story a useful frame for understanding why romance can feel both accidental and inevitable.
For Angourie Rice, the On Love book turns private romantic uncertainty into a clearer way to read character, timing, and emotional risk.
Related reading on wakestreet.com: Andrew Bustamante: Outsmart Everyone Lessons; Why The Interestings Mattered to Sara Bareilles.
More On Love Takeaways
- The On Love book frames romance as both emotion and self-discovery.
- Angourie Rice connects the book to vulnerability and character work.
- Romantic timing matters because people often read meaning into chance.
- Love stories become richer when fear and longing are both visible.
- The book helps explain why fantasy can shape real relationships.
- Emotional honesty is more important than a perfect romantic script.
- Characters become more believable when attraction includes uncertainty.
- On Love gives readers a practical language for romantic risk.
The On Love book gives Angourie Rice a sharper way to think about romance as vulnerability, imagination, timing, and choice.
For readers, the On Love book also turns familiar relationship questions into clearer emotional patterns.
